With love... to my fellow Indians....

We Indians have our way of making into news and things of more sensational nature. And why not? We are a nation of poor people and we are proud to be poor; we are a nation of communal dischord, and we are proud of it; we are a state of education deprived youth, and we are proud to be learning from life, rather than learning in life!!

We are poor, we live in slums, but we aren't poorer than our next door neighbour. We got more assets than him, and we make sure to let him know that he's floating on thinner, much thinner ice than us. And when Danne Boyle comes and insists that he should make a movie on us; on us poor, famished, barely living, but... still living beings, we immediately tell him that he shouldn't underestimate us. If he finds our neighbour poor, we are still poorer; if he finds a superstition ghastly and inhuman, we have another one of a more gory nature that'll make him pukish to his utter insides.

If a firang asks us if it really was true that girl child was killed soon after she was born; we tell him that' first of all, its not that we used to kill the girl child, we still do it at times; and then it's not that we kill our girl child after she's born, sometimes we do it even before she's born; and at other times, of course, if we let her be born, we can always make her live a life as if she were dead always. And, if the interviewer is still not content, or has got any courage left to take more, we can even tell him how we go about killing the girl child, exact particulars, tools, implements, precautions and things. After all, its about a book being written, or a movie being made, and why should we hide our achievements, when we have collected them over the ages, and nursed through the centuries.
And its not my or your colleague who's asking; that he'll go and tell around to his kins, polluting our name. This is a matter of international consequence and no facts, figures, pictures or details should be missed, lest we should fail to get the highest rank in the International Hall Of Shame, which has got the highest acclaim amongst all the organizations of such order.

Is the Indian system always like that?
No mam, definitely not. Sometimes, its even more slow and screwed up.

Do these rikshaw drivers always demand such high sums for small distances?
No sir, its just that they are more prone to show how ill-bred they are in front of people as refined as you.

Where can I go and submit the papers for a Visa extension?
Right here sir; Please attach a five hundred rupee note each, above and below your papers.

Why do you have such a big queue for everything?
Where is the queue mam, get aside Bob. Can't you see mam waiting here.... you moron you blah ... you blah blah... beep beep... (and no offence taken.)!!

I would like to travel by your popular transport. Is it the local bus?
No mam, local bus is for local people mam, those who do not have the etiquette to travel by finer means of transport. Definitely not for you mam.

But then, its not like we always have Americans and Europeans swarming over us to write books and make movies. In times like these, it becomes very difficult to give justice to our extraordinary abilities of self shame. But then we are practised and well versed, and we resort to publicity techniques like different celebrations.
Like, when the entire world celebrates Valentines Day and basks in the warmth of love; we go a step further, and declare that we come out on the streets and conduct marriage ceremonies for all Indian couples celebrating Valentines; for, we must show the world that if they got love, we got more love; if they celebrate togetherness, we celebrate matrimony, forced or enforced!!
And then inadvertently, we make it to the news... first page, headlines... LIGHTS!! CAMERA!! ACTION!!
Proud to be INDIAN!!